Tuesday, January 4, 2011

On the Bus-Horror

It was a quiet Thursday evening in mid-July, Johnny was the only one on the bus. The bus stopped at the next bus stop, the doors opened and one strange looking man walked on. He was wearing black shoes, black pants, and a black sweatshirt with the hood covering his eyes, which was quite sketchy. He didn’t pay his fare and was on his way onto the bus when the driver said “hey sir, pay ya fare!” those were his last words as he man dressed in black stabbed him. The bus driver’s blood spilled everywhere; Johnny saw the man was making his way towards me so Johnny ducked under his seat to hide. He was so nervous as he knew his death was only a few steps away, when he heard a huge thud. He peeked out from the corner of his seat to see what happened. He saw the man in black on the floor moaning, he slipped on the bus drivers pool of blood. Johnny attacked quickly and heroically as he jumped to his feet, ran over to the man, and kicked him in the head knocking him out. Johnny whipped out his cell phone and dialed 911 calling for help. The man in black was sentenced to jail for life, but the bus driver was dead, there was nothing he could’ve done to help him-it was too late.

3 comments:

  1. Jack: This is more of a story summary than an actual story. Slow it down! Tell the story! How about a narrator? dialogue? paragraphs? description? A horror story depends upon a build-up of suspense, and when you race through the plot like this, you get very little suspense. This one has potential, but it's not yet a story.

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  2. Whoa, that all happened so fast. Slow down man.

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  3. its hard to look tough when you slip on your own victims blood.
    but yeah, it needs more build up instead of just going boom boom boom thats what happened
    give the story time to play out

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