Jessica Alba walked onto the bus, paid her fare looked around before sitting down. As she looked around she made eye contact with that little boy sitting only a few rows away. The boy smiled as any little boy would when a pretty girl looks at him. The bus jerked forward as it accelerated, and the beautiful woman lost her balance and fell onto the boys lap. The boy still smiling, blushing, sat there speechless as his heart raced with this beautiful woman sitting on his lap. The woman slowly got back up to her feet, gathered her things, looked up at this excited boy and finally said “sorry”. She was on her way to the back of bus to sit down. Although the boy never saw this woman ever again, for years he remembered this awkward situation.
Jack: You've followed the format, but you've not yet included enough to get me engaged and interested. This seems more like the skeleton of a story rather than the story itself; the outline rather than the full deal. Fill this out! Bring me into the story! Take more time to add in dialogue and details and descriptions. Only then will this story come alive.
ReplyDeleteWhat a lucky kid. I would kill to be in his shoes.
ReplyDeleteyou have to ask thomas harrington before you can write stories about him jack
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